The Kael Report’s Modern Guide to Theatre Etiquette

There are many kinds of theatregoers — from industry professionals (directors, performers, designers, producers and casting directors) who attend multiple times a month for work, to occasional visitors marking a special celebration, to devoted superfans who see the same production dozens — if not hundreds — of times.

For many, the theatre is as sacred as a church — a hallowed space where audiences gather at the altar of live performance. It deserves the same reverence one might show in a place of worship.

Live performance is a communal experience, and every theatregoer deserves to feel valued and enjoy the best experience possible. After all, without audiences, theatre simply does not exist. The audience is the final, vital ingredient that brings the entire endeavour to life — so, as an audience member, we encourage you to play your part fully and well.

In researching this report over the past eight months, we have been by turns bemused and astonished by the stories we uncovered. Still, our aim is simple: to help ensure that everyone can enjoy the theatregoing experience — free from disruption caused by ignorance, entitlement or sheer selfishness.

Bad behaviour is contagious — and turning a blind eye to it is not something The Kael Report condones. But good behaviour can be just as infectious — and we fully intend to spread it like a wildly contagious germ.

The challenge, of course, is that we live in a world where technology has drawn individuals inwards. Anyone with a mobile phone can easily become convinced that they are the centre of the universe — often oblivious to the community around them. Selfishness, therefore, proliferates. This device, which has the power to connect us to so much, can just as easily disconnect us from the present and reality.

The Kael Report remains undeterred, maintaining that good manners are integral to a civilised society — and well worth advocating for.

These guidelines draw on general etiquette, professional and personal experience, interviews with dozens of actors, front-of-house staff and theatre managers, and — of course — good old-fashioned common sense. But above all, this report is anchored in the principle of presence: truly being in the room. A little presence goes a long way, benefiting both the individual and everyone around them.

The theatre industries of New York and London attract international audiences, and what constitutes bad behaviour in one culture may be perfectly acceptable in another. Whether you are visiting from abroad or attending closer to home, you are warmly welcomed into the glory of live performance. But poor behaviour and a flagrant disregard for clearly stated rules transcend borders and are equally displeasing at home and abroad. This guide is here to help ensure you fit in — in the best possible way.

With that in mind, we present:

The Kael Report’s Modern Guide to Theatre Etiquette

Part One: The Basics

What to know before you go — and how to behave once you’re there.

What Your Ticket Does — and Does Not — Entitle You To

✅ Your ticket entitles you to:

• Watch the performance.
• Enjoy the theatre’s amenities, including bars, kiosks and toilets.
• Attend a specific performance — not necessarily see a specific performer. If the actor you wanted to see is off, whether you are entitled to a refund will depend on the circumstances and the booking terms. Either way, be understanding — illness happens to us all.

❌ Your ticket does not entitle you to:

• Expect the cast to converse with you at the stage door, in a bar or restaurant, or to sign your programme, poster, autograph book — or any part of your anatomy. And they are certainly not required to pose for photos with you as if you were best friends.
• Stalk performers, either in person or online.

Be Punctual

Arrive on time. London and New York can be tricky to navigate, and getting from A to B isn’t always as simple as it seems — or should be. Plan accordingly — aim to arrive at least half an hour before curtain. This provides a buffer for unexpected delays, spares you the stress of rushing and helps ensure you don’t disturb the performance or your fellow audience members.

If you do arrive late, be apologetic and courteous to the front-of-house staff. A snarky attitude is both unnecessary and unbecoming. These team members are there to assist you — not to bear the brunt of your frustration at having mismanaged your time. Listen carefully, follow their instructions and be grateful you’re even allowed to take your seat. Some productions may require you to wait until the interval before being admitted.

If someone else arrives late, be gracious. Stand if you can — or, at the very least, allow them an unobstructed path to their seat. Under no circumstances should you tut, huff, suck your teeth or side-eye them. And if others rise to allow you to pass — whether you’re on time or not — acknowledge their courtesy.

Be Prepared

Have your ticket downloaded and ready to display. A screenshot is useful if your ticket allows it — some tickets use moving or refreshing barcodes that won’t work as screenshots. Don’t assume the venue will have public Wi-Fi, that your mobile network will cooperate or that you’ll be able to quickly locate the email containing your ticket.

Remember, you may be required to show your ticket more than once. The Kael Report recommends keeping it easily accessible until you are comfortably in your seat.

Phones and Devices

Turn your phone off — not on silent, and certainly not on vibrate, but off.

Avoid waiting until the very last moment to do so. Few things are more irritating than someone fumbling with their device as the house lights dim — usually the same person who, utterly baffled by its functions, ends up frantically stabbing at it as the show begins.

Disable alerts on all devices. If you wear an Apple Watch (or any other glowing-screen device), cover it up. A luminous wrist in a darkened theatre is a distraction to both performers and those seated around you.

Do not check your phone for the time, news, texts, who in the audience might have messaged you on Grindr or who you’ve matched with on Tinder — the show isn’t that bad, and you're not that thirsty.

If you’re waiting on news of an ill or dying relative — or simply must know the latest Arsenal v Liverpool score — tonight may not be the ideal time for a theatre visit.

Refrain from charging your phone with a battery pack during the performance if it has a visible indicator light. That pulsing light will not endear you to other audience members — or anyone else.

Banned — Barred — Forbidden

Don’t even think about joking that you have a bomb in your bag during a security check. It’s inappropriate and not funny — and it could land you in serious trouble. And if you’re genuinely carrying an explosive device, this perhaps isn’t the guide for you.

Check the venue’s prohibited-items policy before attending. Restrictions may cover not only firearms, knives, baseball and cricket bats, swords and batons, but also lasers, drones, flags, skateboards, knitting needles, rope, duct tape, cable ties, handcuffs, tools such as screwdrivers, and toy or replica weapons. All are likely to raise more than an eyebrow during a bag check. Best to leave them at home.

Food, Drink, and Luggage

Do not show up at the theatre with leftovers from the restaurant where you’ve just had your pre-theatre meal. Other culinary no-nos include sushi, hamburgers, sandwiches, cakes, pastries, bread, and milk.

Equally unwelcome are your weekly food shop, bags from your afternoon shopping spree, and flowers.

Food smells, is messy, and attracts pests. Shopping bags are a nuisance and a potential hazard, forcing others to manoeuvre around them in confined spaces like seat rows. And flowers? Lovely in theory — but in reality, they’re allergens waiting to happen.

Even if a venue has a cloakroom, there are limits to what it will accept. Frozen meat, for example, is unlikely to make the cut, and a piping-hot curry in a takeaway container probably won’t be welcomed either.

If you’re thinking of smuggling your own alcohol into a theatre for surreptitious consumption, think again. It’s strictly prohibited, and venues tend to take a very dim view of such behaviour.

Do not turn up with luggage. If you’re arriving from the airport, go to your hotel first. Flights are often delayed — so avoid booking a performance you’ll only make if your flight lands exactly on time. And if you’re heading to the airport after the show, make alternative arrangements for your bags.

Cloakrooms are typically modest in size and intended for coats — not suitcases. Keep your parcels to a minimum. And be warned: the cost of using a theatre cloakroom is often extortionate. Don’t encourage such larceny.

Eat Discreetly

If you must eat (permissible sustenance), do so quietly — and take your rubbish with you. Show restraint. Don’t arrive with a banquet of snacks to rival an exceedingly extensive tasting menu.

Health and Hygiene

Do not attend if you are unwell, have a persistent cough, or haven’t showered in a week. This should go without saying — yet here we are.

Dress Sense

Theatre is not elitist, and there isn’t generally a formal dress code, but appropriate attire is expected. Don’t show up in batty-riders or Daisy Dukes, and steer clear of T-shirts bearing political or offensive slogans.

And gentlemen, wear a shirt. I recently witnessed a man arrive shirtless at a West End theatre for a Saturday matinee. Yes, it was an exceptionally hot day, but still. Fortunately, he was told to put a shirt on before he was admitted.

If you are inclined to dress up, your sartorial efforts will not go unnoticed — even the theatre staff will appreciate them. Treat your visit as a special occasion and enjoy the full experience if you wish. Some guests even arrive dressed as characters from the production. That level of enthusiasm can help elevate the atmosphere for everyone.

It is considered bad form to touch up one’s makeup or hair in public, including while seated in a theatre auditorium. Light personal grooming should be conducted in the lavatories.

In general, be on your very finest behaviour. Conduct yourself as you would in a church, synagogue, mosque or temple — and dress accordingly.

Respect the Performance

Do not talk during the show — including whispering real-time translations or offering a running commentary to your companion.

And for the love of Patti LuPone, do not sing along, air-conduct the orchestra or dance in your seat unless the production explicitly invites you to join in. No one paid to hear or see you, nor do they want to.

Do not photograph, film or record the performance unless expressly permitted. And yes, that includes using Meta glasses. They are not a loophole — spare yourself the embarrassment of being rumbled.

You are not an exception to the rules on photography, filming or recording. The Kael Report finds it genuinely perplexing that some otherwise rational human beings believe the pre-show announcement — explicitly stating that photography, filming or recording is strictly prohibited — and the clear signage held by front-of-house staff somehow don’t apply to them.

Not only is this behaviour rude, disruptive to those around you, disrespectful and potentially dangerous for performers, it also infringes upon the copyright of directors and creative teams. These artists are generally underpaid as it is, and pilfering their work to show off to your handful of followers on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube or elsewhere isn’t cheeky or clever — it is tantamount to theft. So stop it.

And here’s a fun fact: in 2003, New York City passed a law restricting mobile-phone use during performances, with a $50 fine for violations. The Kael Report would welcome strict, zero-tolerance enforcement of this ordinance — ideally with a medium-length prison sentence attached.

Don’t be that person — the one other theatregoers and front-of-house staff mock when recounting behavioural horror stories. If you’re content to be that person, that’s on you. Kindly abstain from attending the theatre. Frankly, it might be wiser not to leave the house at all.

Sit Properly

If you find the seat uncomfortable, don’t perch, hover, or sit on the steps. Sit in your seat — and suck it up.

Do not lean forward, sit sideways, or slump. Sit upright — like an adult or a well-behaved child. Gentlemen, keep your legs together — no manspreading. And no one should sit with their legs crossed.

Leaning forward obstructs the view of those behind you. Sitting sideways is distracting to everyone around you. And slouching? Unseemly. No matter how attractive you are, slouching instantly makes you 20% less so.

Seating Etiquette

Don’t hog both armrests. Tuck your pointy elbows in and be considerate of those seated beside you.

Do not self-upgrade. Sit in the seat you purchased unless staff authorise a move. Empty seats are often sold seats. If the rightful ticket holder arrives late, they are still entitled to the seat they paid for, despite their tardiness.

If you’re seated on the aisle, keep your legs out of the walkway.

Do not stand up for a better view at the expense of those behind you.

Lower-priced seats may be further from the stage or have a restricted view, limited legroom or narrower seats. Check the seating information before booking. There is a difference between raising a problem with staff and demanding a free upgrade because you dislike a restriction clearly disclosed when you booked. The latter is not only uncouth, it’s the height of entitlement. Congratulations: you’re officially a Karen.

Refrain from placing bags or coats on empty seats — unless you’ve paid for the privilege. Rucksacks and similar items should ideally be stored in the cloakroom. If that’s not possible, place them under your seat and ensure aisles remain clear of obstruction.

If you are seated in the front row of any section, do not place coats, phones, purses, drinks glasses or any other objects on the ledge, rail or surface in front of you. A falling item could cause serious injury to someone below.

When moving through a row, face those seated rather than passing with your bottom towards them. The Kael Report considers this a courtesy worth observing.

Children and Families

Please supervise your children and ensure your little darlings are on their best behaviour. If a child becomes disruptive, kindly take them out of the auditorium — don’t impose that disturbance on fellow audience members. They didn’t pay for that.

Children should occupy their own booked seats unless the venue explicitly permits lap seating or babes in arms for that performance. Check the production’s age restrictions before booking.

Follow the venue’s rules on accompanying children, including any requirement to sit together. Please don’t book yourself into Row E, seat 17 and your tween into Row H, seat 31 — even if those are the only two seats left. Choose a different date when you can sit together.

Part Two: Act Right (And How Not to Act Wrong)

Behavioural dos and don’ts.

Unbecoming Behaviour

Keep your lascivious hands to yourself. No sexual contact — not with your beloved, the hot trick next to you, and certainly not with yourself. Save it for after the show.

Do not smoke or vape anywhere in the building — including at your seat, in the bar or in the toilets.

Don’t chew gum. But if you absolutely must, do so quietly — and when you’re done, wrap it and put it in a bin or take it away with you.

Keep your shoes on. In the event of an emergency or evacuation, someone scrambling to put their shoes back on becomes a hazard — to themselves and everyone else. Besides, no one wants an unexpected glimpse of your stockinged feet. And let’s be honest: feet often smell.

Do not arrive drunk or high. Don’t drink excessively during the show, and absolutely do not snort illicit substances in the toilets. Once again — you really don’t want to be that person.

No Arguments

Do not get into verbal or physical altercations with your companion, a stranger or anyone employed by the venue. If someone nearby is behaving inappropriately, inform front-of-house staff — refrain from vigilante justice, no matter how tempting.

The Kael Report was recently made aware of two physical attacks on front-of-house staff at a West End theatre. This behaviour is utterly unacceptable, inexcusable and must not be tolerated. Equally deplorable is the disruptive audience conduct documented in UK press reports — including fighting, alarming levels of drunkenness and homophobic abuse directed at performers.

If you are a bad-tempered drunk, prone to verbal or physical outbursts, refrain from the pre-show and interval drinks.

Mind Your Mobility

If you have access requirements, check that your chosen seat and the route to it meet your needs before booking. Don’t assume there will be a lift or that staff will be able to move you to a more accessible seat upon arrival. If in doubt, contact the venue’s access team or box office for advice.

Tip if you wish

If front-of-house staff have been particularly helpful, consider offering a tip where venue policy allows. It is a gesture of thanks, not an obligation or a condition of receiving assistance.

General Conduct

A front-of-house worker we spoke to observed that many attendees appear to lose all common sense upon entering a theatre. Buck the trend — stay alert and aware of your surroundings.

Theatres are working environments — be considerate of those moving throughout the venue to perform their tasks.

Remember, you and those around you are in an unfamiliar space. Slow down — you’re not rushing through Leicester or Times Squares.

Upon entering the auditorium, don’t assume you know where you’re going — even if you do, play along and listen. If you’ve arrived on time, the show won’t start before you’ve had a chance to get properly settled. Patrons who seat themselves incorrectly cause unnecessary inconvenience for everyone arriving after them.

Avoid wearing hats, caps, or other fashion headwear. If you do, be prepared to remove it upon entering — or at the very least, as soon as you’re seated. Don’t wait to be asked.

Don’t sit in your seat for twenty minutes only to decide you need the toilet two minutes before the curtain is scheduled to rise.

Resist the urge to drone on to staff about the production’s artistic shortcomings. They don’t need your critique — they have their own. They’ve probably seen the show more times than they care to count and have a job to do. But if you wish to say something positive on your way out, please do.

If the auditorium is too hot or cold, inform the front-of-house staff — they can pass the information to the relevant department.

Complaining to front-of-house staff about the height of the person in front of you is discouraged — tall people exist. However, if you find yourself seated behind someone exceptionally tall, you may politely and discreetly ask a staff member if a seat change is possible. Most venues will try to help, though a sold-out house leaves limited options.

Additional Notes

Stay awake. Try not to nod off, no matter how boring the production may be — but if you do drift off, do your best not to snore, drool or use a stranger’s shoulder as a pillow.

Enjoy the experience — or stay home. If you are being dragged to a show you don’t want to see, decline the invitation. Your misery is contagious and a downer.

Read the theatre’s admissions policy. It often contains valuable information — including what you can bring into the venue, age restrictions and other important guidelines that can help avoid unpleasant surprises.

Whenever possible, book through the venue’s official website or box office. This helps ensure you use its authorised booking service. Provide accurate contact details so you can be notified if issues arise, and contact the venue directly about specific requirements.

If you pre-order interval drinks, keep your receipt or order confirmation handy and follow the collection instructions. If you can’t find it, ask the attendant for help. Resist the urge to charge up and grab the first drinks you think are yours. Be patient and wait your turn.

No Buts…

As noted earlier, in researching this piece, The Kael Report encountered stories that even we found difficult to digest. While we will spare you the most traumatising examples, one particular incident — reported to us and corroborated by photographic evidence — demands to be shared.

At the end of the interval of a recent Saturday evening performance, our source conducted a routine check of the ladies’ toilets to ensure all guests had returned to their seats. They did not encounter lingering ladies — but, in the middle of the floor, a silver butt plug. Complete with faecal matter.

This ghastly discovery raises many questions — none of which The Kael Report feels remotely inclined, or qualified, to explore here. Suffice it to say, it offers a vivid illustration of the situations theatre staff can be forced to manage. These workers should not be expected to deal with such incidents, let alone endure verbal abuse, aggression or everyday discourtesy.

Let us all do our part not to add to their burden. Please — leave the sex toys at home.

Part Three: Endgame

Other thoughts — from curtain calls to exit strategy.

Advice to the Players (and Directors)

The curtain call is the moment for the audience to show its appreciation — for individual performances and the production as a whole. It is not a time for actors to applaud the audience. What have they done, beyond buying a ticket and (hopefully) staying awake until the final curtain?

There is no justification for actors applauding paying patrons. We are not all in this together — we’ve paid to see your work, and your bow is the appropriate acknowledgement of our applause.

The same principle applies when performers applaud the orchestra or band. The musicians in the pit are paid professionals — often earning more per week than the actors — and their contribution should be acknowledged only as the director deems appropriate. That is more than sufficient.

Exit With Grace and Purpose

Once the curtain falls, sit and reflect if you wish, chat briefly, or exchange a word with like-minded strangers. Take a photo or two if you must — but do not treat the auditorium as your personal salon or photography studio.

The stagehands must reset for the next performance, and the front-of-house team need to clean the auditorium. Everyone would like to get home.

Conclusion

Some will read this report and shrug, confident they know best and convinced these guidelines don’t apply to them. Continue doing you — but spare the rest of us from enduring your gauche conduct.

Theatre is expensive. It requires significant investment to create and can cost a great deal to attend. We should therefore respect both our fellow audience members and the institution of theatregoing itself.

Arrive at the right venue, on the right date, at the right time, with the right attitude — and everyone will have a better experience.

Follow these guidelines and you’ll elevate not only your theatregoing experience but also your everyday life — helping ensure you’re never that person.

— The Kael Report

This report is intended to be a living document and will be updated periodically. We’d love to hear your thoughts — have we missed anything? Feel free to share your own tales of theatrical misconduct by dropping us an email at: admin@thekaelreport.com