The Kael Report’s Guide to Theatre Etiquette in the Modern Age: A Manual of Conduct for the 21st Century Theatregoer

There are many kinds of theatregoers — from industry professionals (directors, performers, designers, producers, and casting directors) who attend multiple times a month for work, to occasional visitors marking a special celebration, to devoted super fans who see the same production dozens — if not hundreds — of times.

For many, the theatre is as sacred as a church — a hallowed space where audiences gather at the altar of live performance, deserving of the same reverence one might show in a place of worship.

Live performance is a communal experience, and every theatregoer deserves to feel valued and enjoy the best experience possible. After all, without audiences, theatre simply does not exist. The audience is the final, vital ingredient that brings the entire endeavour to life — so as an audience member, we encourage you to play your part fully, and well.

In researching this report over the past eight months, we have been by turns bemused and astonished by the stories we uncovered. Still, our aim is simple: to help ensure that everyone can enjoy the theatregoing experience — free from disruption caused by ignorance, entitlement, or sheer selfishness.

Bad behaviour is contagious — and turning a blind eye to it is not something The Kael Report condones. But good behaviour can be just as infectious — and we fully intend to spread it like a wildly contagious germ.

The challenge, of course, is that we live in a world where technology has drawn individuals inwards. Anyone with a mobile phone can easily become convinced that they are the centre of the universe — often oblivious to the reality and the community around them. Selfishness, therefore, proliferates. This device, which has the power to connect us to so much, can just as easily disconnect us from the present.

The Kael Report remains undeterred, maintaining that good manners are integral to a civilised society — and well worth advocating for.

These guidelines are rooted in general etiquette, professional and personal experience, interviews with dozens of actors, front-of-house staff, and theatre managers, and — of course — good old-fashioned common sense. But above all, this report is anchored in the principle of presence: truly being in the room. A little presence goes a long way, benefiting both the individual and everyone around them.

The theatre industries of New York and London attract international audiences, and what constitutes bad behaviour in one culture may be perfectly acceptable in another. Whether you are from abroad or not, you are warmly welcomed into the glory of live performance — but poor behaviour and a flagrant disregard for clearly stated rules transcend borders and are equally displeasing at home as they are abroad. This guide is here to help ensure you fit in — in the best possible way.

With that in mind, The Kael Report presents:

A Guide to Theatre Etiquette in the Modern Age

Part One: The Basics

What to know before you go — and how to behave once you’re there.

What Your Ticket Does — and Does Not — Entitle You To

✅ Your ticket entitles you to:

Watch the performance.

Enjoy the theatre’s amenities, including bars, kiosks, and toilets.

Entry to a specific performance — not a specific performer. You have purchased a ticket to see a production, not an individual. If the actor you wanted to see is off, you may or may not receive a refund upon request. Either way, be understanding — illness happens to us all.

❌ Your ticket does not entitle you to:

Expect the cast to converse with you at the stage door, in a bar or restaurant, or to sign your programme, poster, autograph book — or any part of your anatomy.

Stalk performers, either in person or online.

Be Punctual

Arrive on time. London and New York can be tricky to navigate, and getting from A to B isn’t always as simple as it seems. Plan accordingly — aim to arrive at least half an hour before curtain. This provides a buffer for unexpected delays, spares you the stress of rushing, and ensures you don’t disturb the performance or your fellow audience members.

However, if you do arrive late, be apologetic and courteous to the front-of-house staff. A snarky attitude is both unnecessary and unbecoming. These team members are there to assist you — not to bear the brunt of your poor time management. Listen carefully, follow their instructions, and be grateful you’re even allowed to take your seat. Some productions may require you to wait until the interval before being admitted.

If someone else arrives late, be gracious. Stand if you can — or at the very least, allow them an unobstructed path to their seat. Under no circumstances should you tut, huff, suck your teeth, or side-eye them. And if others rise to allow you to pass — whether you’re on time or not — acknowledge their courtesy.

Be Prepared

Have a screenshot of your ticket at the ready. Don’t assume the venue will have public Wi-Fi, that your mobile network will cooperate, or that you’ll be able to quickly locate the email containing your ticket.

Remember, you’ll probably be required to show your ticket more than once. The Kael Report recommends keeping it easily accessible until you are comfortably in your seat.

Phones and Devices

Turn your phone off — not on silent, and certainly not on vibrate, but off.

Avoid waiting until the very last moment to do so. Few things are more irritating than someone fumbling with their device as the house lights dim — usually the same person who, utterly baffled by its functions, ends up frantically stabbing at it as the show begins.

Disable alerts on all devices. If you wear an Apple Watch (or any other glowing-screen device), cover it up. A luminous wrist in a darkened theatre is a distraction to both performers and those seated around you.

Do not check your phone for the time, news, texts, who in the audience might have messaged you on Grindr, or who you’ve matched with on Tinder. If you’re waiting on news of an ill or dying relative — or simply must know the latest Arsenal v Liverpool score — tonight may not be the ideal time for a theatre visit.

Refrain from charging your phone with a battery pack during the performance. That pulsing light will not endear you to other audience members — or anyone else.

Banned — Barred — Forbidden

Don’t even think about joking that you have a bomb in your bag during a security check. It’s not funny — and it could land you in serious trouble. And if you’re genuinely carrying an explosive device, this perhaps isn’t the guide for you.

Firearms, knives, baseball and cricket bats, swords, and batons are strictly prohibited. But so are lasers, drones, flags, skateboards, knitting needles, rope, duct tape, cable ties, handcuffs, tools like screwdrivers, and toy or replica weapons. All are likely to raise more than an eyebrow during a bag check. Best to leave them at home.

Food, Drink, and Luggage

Do not show up at the theatre with leftovers from the restaurant where you’ve just had your pre-theatre meal. Other culinary no-nos include sushi, hamburgers, sandwiches, cakes, pastries, bread, and milk.

Equally unwelcome are your weekly food shop, bags from your afternoon shopping spree, and flowers.

Food smells, is messy, and attracts pests. Shopping bags are a nuisance and a potential hazard, forcing others to manoeuvre around them in confined spaces like seat rows. And flowers? Lovely in theory — but in reality, they’re allergens waiting to happen.

Even if a venue has a cloakroom, there are limits to what it will accept. Frozen meat, for example, is unlikely to make the cut, and a piping-hot curry in a takeaway container probably won’t be welcomed either.

If you’re thinking of smuggling your own alcohol into a theatre for surreptitious consumption, think again. It’s strictly prohibited, and venues tend to take a very dim view of such behaviour.

Do not turn up with luggage. If you’re arriving from the airport, go to your hotel first. Flights are often delayed — so avoid booking a performance you’ll only make if your flight lands exactly on time. And if you’re heading to the airport after the show, make alternative arrangements for your bags.

Cloakrooms are typically modest in size and intended for coats — not suitcases. Keep your parcels to a minimum. And be warned: the cost of using a theatre cloakroom is often extortionate. Don’t encourage such larceny.

Eat Discreetly

If you must eat (permissible sustenance), do so quietly — and take your rubbish with you. Show restraint. Don’t arrive with a banquet of snacks to rival the most extensive tasting menus.

Health and Hygiene

Do not attend if you are unwell, have a persistent cough, or haven’t showered in a week. This should go without saying — yet here we are.

Dress Sense

Theatre is not elitist, and there isn’t a dress code, but appropriate attire is expected. Don’t show up in batty-riders or Daisy Dukes, and steer clear of T-shirts bearing political or offensive slogans.

If you are inclined to dress up, your sartorial efforts will not go unnoticed — even the theatre staff will appreciate them. Treat your visit as a special occasion and enjoy the full experience if you wish. Some guests even arrive dressed as characters from the production. That level of enthusiasm can help elevate the atmosphere for everyone.

It is considered bad form to touch up one’s makeup or hair in public, including while seated in a theatre auditorium. Light personal grooming should be conducted in the lavatories.

In general, be on your very finest behaviour. Conduct yourself as you would in a church, synagogue, mosque, or temple — and dress accordingly.

Respect the Performance

Do not talk during the show — including whispering real-time translations or offering a running commentary to your companion.

And for the love of Patti LuPone, do not sing along, air-conduct the orchestra, or dance in your seat. No one paid to hear or see you, nor do they want to.

Photography, filming, or recording is not permitted under any circumstances. And yes, that includes camera glasses. Theatre staff know that ruse — spare yourself the embarrassment of being rumbled.

You are not an exception to the no-photography rule. The Kael Report finds it genuinely perplexing that some otherwise rational human beings believe the pre-show announcement — explicitly stating that photography, filming, or recording is strictly prohibited — and the clear signage held by front-of-house staff somehow don’t apply to them.

Not only is this behaviour rude, disruptive, and potentially dangerous for performers, it also infringes on the creative team’s copyright. These artists are underpaid as it is, and pilfering their work to show off to your handful of followers on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, or elsewhere isn’t cheeky or clever — it’s theft. So stop it.

And here’s a fun fact: in 2003, New York City banned the use of mobile phones during performances. Offenders can face fines or even eviction from the venue. The Kael Report would welcome strict, zero-tolerance enforcement of this ordinance — ideally with a medium-length prison sentence attached.

Don’t be that person — the one other theatregoers and front-of-house staff mock when recounting behavioural horror stories. If you’re content to be that person, that’s on you. Kindly abstain from attending the theatre. Frankly, it might be wiser not to leave the house at all.

Sit Properly

If you find the seat uncomfortable, don’t perch, hover, or sit on the steps. Sit in your seat — and suck it up.

Do not lean forward, sit sideways, or slump. Sit upright — like an adult or a well-behaved child. Gentlemen, keep your legs together — no manspreading. And no one should sit with their legs crossed.

Leaning forward obstructs the view of those behind you. Sitting sideways is distracting to everyone around you. And slouching? Unseemly. No matter how attractive you are, slouching instantly makes you 20% less so.

Seating Etiquette

Don’t hog both armrests. Tuck your pointy elbows in and be considerate of those seated beside you.

Do not self-upgrade. Sit in the seat you purchased. Empty seats are often sold seats. If the rightful ticket holder arrives late, they are still entitled to the seat they paid for, despite their tardiness.

If you’re seated on the aisle, resist the urge to stretch your leg into the walkway.

Do not stand up for a better view — if you wanted one, you should have paid for it.

The cheapest seats are cheap for a reason. They’re usually furthest from the stage, may have a restricted view, and often come with limited legroom or narrower seats. In other words, some discomfort is to be expected. Complaining about a seat you knowingly selected — and then demanding a free upgrade — is not only uncouth, it’s the height of entitlement. Congratulations: you’re officially a Karen.

Refrain from placing bags or coats on empty seats — unless you’ve paid for the privilege. Rucksacks and similar items should ideally be stored in the cloakroom. If that’s not possible, place them under your seat and ensure aisles remain clear of obstruction.

If you are sat in the front row of any section, do not place coats, phones, purses, drinks glasses, or any other objects on the ledge, rail, or surface in front of you. A falling item could cause serious injury to someone below.

When moving through a row, face the right way — do not pass with your bottom towards those seated. Emily Post would not have approved of such behaviour, nor does The Kael Report.

Children and Families

Please supervise your children and ensure your little darlings are on their best behaviour. If a child becomes disruptive, kindly remove them from the auditorium — don’t impose that disturbance onto fellow audience members. They didn’t pay for that.

Small children must have their own seat and remain seated in it — not on the lap of a parent or relative.

By UK law, children under sixteen cannot sit unaccompanied. So please don’t book yourself into Row E, seat 17 and your tween into Row H, seat 31 — even if those are the only two seats left. Choose a different date when you can sit together.

Part Two: Act Right (And How Not To Act Wrong)

Behavioural do’s and don’ts.

Unbecoming Behaviour

Keep your lascivious hands to yourself. No sexual contact — not with your beloved, the hot trick next to you, and certainly not with yourself. Save it for after the show.

Do not smoke or vape anywhere in the building — including at your seat, in the bar, or in the toilets.

Don’t chew gum. But if you absolutely must, do so quietly — and when you’re done, dispose of it properly and take it with you.

Keep your shoes on. In the event of an emergency or evacuation, someone scrambling to put their shoes back on becomes a hazard — to themselves and everyone else. Besides, no one wants an unexpected glimpse of your stockinged feet. And let’s be honest: feet often smell.

Do not arrive drunk or high. Don’t drink excessively during the show, and absolutely do not snort illicit substances in the toilets. Once again — you really don’t want to be that person.

No Arguments

Do not get into verbal or physical altercations with your companion, a stranger, or anyone employed by the venue. If someone nearby is behaving inappropriately, inform front-of-house staff — refrain from vigilante justice, no matter how tempting.

The Kael Report was recently made aware of two physical attacks on front-of-house staff at a West End theatre. This behaviour is utterly unacceptable, inexcusable, and must not be tolerated. The same applies to the growing number of UK press reports detailing disruptive audience conduct — including fighting, alarming levels of drunkenness, and homophobic abuse directed at performers. All of it is deeply distasteful and deplorable.

If you are a bad-tempered drunk, prone to verbal or physical outbursts, refrain from the pre-show and interval drinks.

Mind Your Mobility

If you have a disability or mobility issues, avoid booking seats in areas of the auditorium that require climbing multiple flights of stairs. Don’t assume there will be a lift, or that you’ll be upgraded to a more accessible section upon arrival. If in doubt, check with the venue prior to booking.

Tip When Appropriate

If you require extra assistance from front-of-house staff, tip them — yes, even in the U.K.

General Conduct

A front-of-house worker we spoke to observed that many attendees appear to lose all common sense upon entering a theatre. Buck the trend — stay alert and aware of your surroundings.

Theatres are working environments — be considerate of those moving throughout the venue to perform their tasks.

Remember, you and those around you are in an unfamiliar space. Slow down — you’re not rushing through Leicester Square or Times Square.

Upon entering the auditorium, don’t assume you know where you’re going — even if you do, play along and listen. If you’ve arrived on time, the show won’t start before you’ve had a chance to get properly settled. Patrons who seat themselves incorrectly cause unnecessary inconvenience for everyone arriving after them.

Avoid wearing hats, caps, or other fashion headwear. If you do, be prepared to remove it upon entering — or at the very least, as soon as you’re seated. Don’t wait to be asked.

Don’t sit in your seat for twenty minutes only to decide you need the toilet two minutes before the curtain is scheduled to rise.

Resist the urge to drone on to staff about the production’s artistic shortcomings. They don’t need your critique — they have their own. They’ve probably seen the show more times than they care to count and, at best, are indifferent to it.

If the auditorium is too hot or cold, inform the front-of-house staff — they can pass the information to the relevant department.

Complaining to front-of-house staff about the height of the person in front of you is discouraged — tall people exist. However, if you find yourself seated behind someone exceptionally tall, you may politely and discreetly ask a staff member if a seat change is possible. Most venues will try to help, though a sold-out house leaves limited options.

Additional Notes

Stay awake. Try not to nod off, no matter how boring the production may be — but if you do drift off, do your best not to snore, drool, or use a stranger’s shoulder as a pillow.

Enjoy the experience — or stay home. If you are being dragged to a show you don’t want to see, decline the invitation. Your misery is contagious and a downer.

Read the theatre’s admissions policy. It often contains valuable information — including what you can bring into the venue, age restrictions, and other important guidelines that can help avoid unpleasant surprises.

Whenever possible, book directly with the venue. This ensures they have your full details, can contact you promptly if issues arise, and are best placed to provide accurate information or accommodate specific requirements.

If you pre-order interval drinks, try not to lose your receipt — you’ll need it to collect the correct order. If you can’t find it, don’t insist you weren’t given one — you were; you’ve just misplaced it. Resist the urge to charge up and grab the first drinks you think are yours. Show your receipt to the attendant, be patient, and wait your turn.

No Buts…

As noted earlier, in researching this piece, The Kael Report encountered stories that even we found difficult to digest. While we will spare you the most traumatising examples, one particular incident — reported to us and corroborated by photographic evidence — demands to be shared.

During the interval of a recent Saturday evening performance, our source conducted a routine check of the ladies’ toilet to ensure all guests had returned to their seats. They did not encounter lingering ladies — but in the middle of the floor, a silver butt plug. Complete with faecal matter.

This ghastly discovery raises many questions — none of which The Kael Report feels remotely inclined, or qualified, to explore. Suffice it to say, it offers a vivid illustration of the situations theatre staff are all too often forced to manage. Most of these workers earn minimum wage — or just above it — and should not be expected to deal with such incidents, let alone endure verbal abuse, aggression, or everyday discourtesy.

Let us all do our part not to add to their burden. Please — leave the sex toys at home.

Part Three: Endgame

Other thoughts — from curtain calls to exit strategy.

Advice to the Players (and Directors)

The curtain call is the moment for the audience to show its appreciation — for individual performances and the production as a whole. It is not a time for actors to applaud the audience. What have they done, beyond buying a ticket and (hopefully) staying awake until the final curtain?

There is no justification for actors applauding paying patrons. We are not all in this together — we’ve paid to see your work, and your bow is the appropriate acknowledgement of our applause.

The same principle applies when performers applaud the orchestra or band. The musicians in the pit are paid professionals — often earning more per week than the actors — and their contribution should be acknowledged only as the director deems appropriate. That is more than sufficient.

The Big O

Attending a Broadway or West End show has, regrettably, become synonymous with the reflexive standing ovation — a ridiculous habit that is neither required nor remotely necessary, and one that ought to be firmly resisted.

Remaining seated does not breach any known etiquette, so feel free to stay put and express your appreciation as you see fit. Standing ovations are meant to signify appreciation for truly exceptional work — not merely gratitude that a performer made it to the end.

The Kael Report encourages theatregoers to be discerning patrons. Respectful applause is sufficient acknowledgement. Indiscriminate standing ovations render the gesture hollow and meaningless.

Exit With Grace and Purpose

Once the curtain falls, sit and reflect if you wish, chat briefly, or exchange a word with like-minded strangers. Take a photo or two if you must — but do not treat the auditorium as your personal salon or photography studio.

The stagehands must reset for the next performance, and the front-of-house team need to clean the auditorium. Everyone would like to get home.

Conclusion

Some will read this report and shrug, confident they know best and convinced these guidelines don’t apply to them. Continue doing you — but spare the rest of us from enduring your gauche conduct.

Theatre is expensive. It requires significant investment to create and a great deal to attend. We should therefore respect both our fellow audience members and the institution of theatregoing itself.

Arrive at the right venue, on the right date, at the right time, with the right attitude — and everyone will have a better experience.

Follow these steps and you’ll elevate not only your theatregoing experience, but everyday life — helping ensure you’re never that person.

— The Kael Report

† This report is intended to be a living document and will be updated periodically. We’d love to hear your thoughts — have we missed anything? Feel free to share your own tales of theatrical misconduct by dropping us an email.